A NEW NINJANURSE STORY

The NinjaNurse

She had outwitted them again. She was the queen, the DJINN and like a BAT, she evaded all their security and even the new GGEKKO radar that made anyone glow like they had eaten a kilo of the CRABMAN’s best CHILLI 9!

She stole into the LORD OF CRYPTS and raided the vault.

She had the plans. EMPERORMATT was in danger. They had to get her. The Imperial Council of MRCHEF, MR HAPPY and the DEAN were worried. They were actually shitting in their AMUNDIES and the BRATWURST didn’t smell too good.

She scratched her cats ears, VELO, in her new BOHEM and as she wondered how she was going to get the MON BOMB into the palace at WUSCHLESS.

She knew it was lethal. No longer would the Emperor roar like a TIGAR. He would MEOW like a pussycat coughing up a FUBALL. His Imperial line would end as he would never get it up again and he would become a TWISTEDNOOBS.

She smiled but then ducked for cover as her bodyguard ASTERIX got plastered over the wall by a spray of hollow point GDF bullets from the new EVOO submachine gun that could shoot through THE WALL.

She grabbed her 9mm IGGYNACHO and popped off a mag into the knees and legs of SILVER FOX and SILVERRICK as she dived behind the piano as the music of JS BACH filled the air. Two gone.

She knew there were more. If she could get outside, she could get on the BLACK RIDER and be gone. Yet there was no JUSTICE.

She now knew things were going to go to HKALLEN. Damn. The freaked our triplets had arrived. BEN351, BEN033 and B-REN. They were assassins of speed with the processing power of the new super quad core JKM Hal II bioware infused hardware.

She only had seconds, but unbeknown to the triplets she had Dave, the SPACEMAN’s brothers new toy, a JONKILL 7.14. It was made by DOUG, Dave’s brother and Hals destroyer in 2001.

She ripped it down from the piano. She flicked the switch and sent the Ben’s to the grave of the SMELLYWOLF.

She made it out in the NICKY99 of time. The house exploded.

She knew time was fleeting. She had to get the biometrics from VP THE GREAT to get into the palace. But before she could take off her old lover WILLBROOD rode up on a new MOWGLI moped. What the F.

She smiled, walked over to him and kneed the bastard in his VOLLPFOSTEN. He doubled up.

She roared away. She picked up her package, she was NEARLY THERE.

Only MHARLE the mysterious stood in her way.

She checked her VERTI89, whistled as she watched the anti-personnel missile streak away. His MECYS software and DAZC body armour failed. He died instantly.

She planted the bomb. Hours later it sent its neutonium burst into the palace. The Emperor was neutered.

She had escaped without a MARC on her and thought now, its JUSTME.

She thought wrong. For she was now tagged with the lethal nano partical virus SINBAN that would soon eat her from inside out unless she found a cure.

It looks as though the NINJANURSE might be BROOKEN this time.

- A spamming story by BASHER

The NinjaNurse Part II

The nano particles were beginning to itch really badly in all the wrong places. She felt like a SAMHANDWICH being eaten from the inside out and her brain felt like the MAK 2-1 Am Track running on the SANTA-METRO after a night on bad tequila.

Its wasn’t looking good, it wasn’t feeling good and all she wanted to do was puke. She drank gallons of ELVISSIAN and pumped KCMAX antibiotics through every opening like Doctor ROSSI suggested. She was a really sick bitch, for when she focused, the instructions said ‘to be taken orally.’

She felt STONECOLD, like the last of the SPARTANS at Thermopylae or the last Gi – JOE being surrounded by Barbies or a vegetarian greenie at a RED NECK barbie.

Yet in the back of her mind, she had this NAGGY feeling that somehow her lecturing lover, SAM G the chemist could help.

He was an old BOSSMAN of hers like MR MIYAGI, but all she could think of were the LITTLE PONIES singing cover songs of Russell Crowes band the OLDONE42LONG or was it the 30 Odd Foot of Grunts. Either way she thought it was better that singing to DISEL or REDRUM’s I was only 19.

She freaked out then and gave herself a shot of MAXMAC to wire herself up. It was like pouring a hundred cans of red bull.

She hooked into the grid via her MATUTU shaken but not vibrated JILOO7. She fused with the system and high jacked a MOS point into the matrix.

She knew where he was but he was under lock and key by the neutered Emperors cousin AINDREA the NORDIE, the princess of KENT RIGEL who was shagging AUGUSTUS NOBBY66.

She was adamant that the chemist was an alchemist. That he could MAK her into gold with his TECH wizardry and purge the nano particles better than anorexia.

She was weak. It was worse that prac. She wanted to hit the SOFEA and JEIEL out.

But she was going to die. She felt like a VICK as her body was going through an endomorphic change like when FROGGIE was squashed by the NIGHT RIDER in a bad VSMASH on SOLOKAN Drive.

She loaded up, she packed the GRGA fragmentation grenades, donned her ROBED KAMO suit, picked up her 7.62mm SCORPIO assault rifle and her 9mm ROCKO hand cannon and set forth.

The tech weaving alchemist chemist and saviour was protected by the blue and whites. They were feared on the servers. But as BROOKEN as she was, she knew she had to get past the smurfs.

Like the Ben’s there were three of them but they weren’t clones nor were they identical. There was the Mafioso AL SMURFTEN, the vodka swilling fat bellied PUBBY SMURF and Ricky the new Blues Coach NSW SMURF.

They believed they were lethal. To most they were.

To back themselves, they even had one of the new MAINLANDMARUADER’s, a new battle CYBORG187 operated by their niece, the cute SMURF, SARAH B. They were loaded with hardware, wetware and software.

Things looked grim.

She had to do it and with a whispered prayer to her beloved saint KATHRYN she stormed the safe house holding the chemist. By unleashing her own gene spliced OXY welded Drop Bear and STARCAP sensor flash bombs she melted the smurfs and short circuited the borg.

The chemist was hers and as she jumped into the getaway car she knew she was betrayed and said ‘not ETT, you TREBOR1’ when she saw his smile as BOURTNEY jabbed the needle into her neck as MACRINUS pulled a hood over her face.


… to be continued

- A Spam Story by Basher